5 Tips For Checking In With Loved Ones Struggling With Their Mental Health

If you've considered reaching out to a friend or loved one who's going through a difficult time but decided against it because you just couldn't figure out what to say, you're definitely not alone. 

While there's not necessarily a right or wrong way to reach out, there are some tips for communicating in a sensitive, meaningful way that mental health experts recommend. Here are their top insights and a few example scripts to let your loved one know you're there for them:

When speaking to someone who's struggling with their mental health, the natural first question is, "How are you?" but that probably won't trigger a genuine, thought-out explanation. Instead, most people will say "good" to avoid diving into the nuances of their mood. 

Instead, Stribling recommends asking something that requires more than a one- or two-word response. A few examples include: 

These are simple questions that can help you ease into a conversation without immediately implying that there's something wrong or encouraging a one-word response. If your loved one wants to open up about their struggles, give gentle fodder to do so.

No matter what method of conversation you opt for, make sure you clearly communicate your eagerness to help your friend or family member, and don't make it seem like a chore. 

"In my work as a therapist, I find that more often than not many people don't want to burden others around them, even if they're struggling or in deep need," says therapist and co-founder of Viva Jor-El Caraballo, LMHC.

So, avoid language that suggests it is a burden to help your friend or loved one.

"Instead of saying something like, 'I'm going out of my way to do this' or 'I'm not sure if I can make that work,' you might want to lead with something like 'It's no problem. I'm happy to help' or 'I'm just happy to be here for you. I care about you and it's worth it' or something along those lines," Caraballo shares. 

Many people have been in the following situation: You begin opening up about your struggles to a friend or family member, just for them to turn it into a conversation about the one time they struggled with something similar. The goal is generally to help you feel less alone, but it doesn't always come off as sincere.

While providing support from your own experience is great, it's best to give your friend or loved one the chance to share their feelings before bringing up your own—this will remind them that you're here to listen.

It's not always about finding the right words, Caraballo says, but more about communicating a "spirit of care and concern" than anything else—and keeping your attention on them rather than yourself will help you do so. 

Now, if your friend or loved one asks if you have any advice, or if you can relate, then totally share your experience. Just don't make it the first thing you say to them, as each person's experience is unique, even if they seem similar on the surface. 

If someone close to you is dealing with any mental health struggles, the loss of a loved one, a difficult life transition, and so on, general well-wishes probably aren't going to do all that much.

"Avoid surface-level, blanket responses such as 'I'm praying for you' or 'I'm keeping you in my thoughts,'" Stribling says. Of course these statements are better than nothing but probably not the most effective way to really connect with someone.

Instead, ask things like, "How can I support you through this?" or simply offer your time to listen.

"This approach is more compassionate and actionable—it leaves room for someone to ask for the help and support they truly need to cope," Stribling says. 

Now, let's get to some easy scripts from Caraballo that you can use to kick off your personalized messages—be it verbal or via text. Remember to edit or add to these messages so they are tailored to your friend or loved one.

"I get the sense that things haven't been going well lately, and I want you to know I'm here for you. I'd like to listen if you want to talk. And if not, I'm otherwise glad just to spend some time with you. Would it be OK if I came over later?" 

"What could I do to help lighten your load? I'd be glad to do it."

"I imagine the past few days have been rough. I'm here for you if you want to talk or need anything else. Maybe we could go see that movie (insert another activity they'd generally like) together this weekend?" 

RELATED READ: How To Write A Condolence Message: 60+ Examples & Tips

"Changes can be really hard, and I want you to know that I've got your back if you need anything. What could I do to help? I've got some free time, so just say the word."

Reaching out to friends and family who are struggling with their mental health can be difficult, but it's always better to try than to give up. Focus on making your message sincere, avoid yes or no questions and blanket statements, don't make it about yourself, and always reiterate that you're happy to help.

If it's your partner who's going through a difficult time, this process becomes a bit more nuanced—here's what you should know.