How To Break Up With Someone You Love, According To Relationship Experts

Breakups are never easy, but when you still love and care about the person, it can be even more difficult to go your separate ways. To help you figure out a plan for before, during, and after the breakup, we asked relationship experts for their top tips—here's what to know.

Breakups are incredibly delicate, so you'll want to prepare some mental notes or a script, of sorts, to prepare for the conversation. As Spinelli suggests, "Think about how you want to communicate why the relationship isn't working. If you need support, talk it through with a resource or trusted friend."

She notes that it's important to remember the full breakup may require more than one conversation. "I see it as episodes in a season—this doesn't mean it has to be dragged out, but it honors the relationship and gives it the time it deserves," she adds.

Find a time to sit down and open up the conversation. Choose a neutral time and setting where you can give each other your full attention, and calmly, compassionately explain where you're at in the relationship.

For instance, if the relationship isn't serving you anymore, share with them that as much as you love them, boundaries were crossed and you feel it's not healthy or safe for you, for instance, Spinelli says. "Language like, 'I love you, but we are not growing together,' or, 'Our paths seem to be different now,' or, 'My life goals or vision feel miles apart from yours,' are some verbiage to pull from," she adds.

Breakups, at their best, can leave both people feeling seen and heard even though you're going separate ways. And an amicable breakup involves both people expressing their side of the story.

"Recognize that your partner may feel extremely hurt or blindsided even if the indicators or red flags were there," Spinelli explains, adding, "Share your journey leading up to the decision, but be empathetic and open to listening to their feelings."

On a similar note to no. 3, relationships are a two-way street, and in many cases, both of you likely contributed to the reasons behind breaking up. "Be open to owning your part in the breakup even if you are the one taking the action based on your specific issues with your partner," Spinelli notes.

You'll want to set and hold firm boundaries throughout the breakup conversation(s) and following the breakup. As respectfully as you can, Spinelli suggests, "Keep your boundaries firm and remember why you're having the conversation."

She adds you should expect that your partner may need space or some time to process your decision, and you may, too, once you have communicated your feelings. "Be open to your thoughts, and come up with a plan together of how you will part ways," she notes.

Boundaries can be especially necessary if you two are living together during the breakup, but even if you don't live together, you can discuss things like going no-contact, how you'll handle seeing each other if you have mutual friends, etc.

As the breakup becomes solidified and you begin your post-breakup journey, it's a good idea to familiarize yourself with the stages of a breakup so you know what to expect. (Obvious spoiler: It's not an easy process.)

According to clinical psychologist Kristina Hallett, Ph.D., ABPP, the following seven stages of a breakup are normal and expected responses to a breakup:

In some cases, you may move through these stages linearly, or you may loop back to anger or bargaining again, for instance. Plus, everyone will move through these stages at a different pace.

Here's our full guide to each of these breakup stages for more information.

According to dating coach and founder of School of Love NYC Monica Parikh, no contact is the best route to moving on. It should last for a minimum of 60 days and includes no texting, no calling, and no interacting on social media.

"It can feel like an extreme move when you're still working to get over a breakup, but the truth is that cutting off contact with an ex is the fastest, most effective way to truly move on," Parikh previously wrote for mindbodygreen.

Here's our explainer on the do's and don'ts of reaching out to an ex for more help.

Let's just be honest: You're going to have a lot more time on your hands once you're newly single, and that means more time to wallow if you don't find things to focus on.

"Even when it's a good decision," Spinelli says, "we might still feel sad, alone, overwhelmed, and anxious, so think about what you might need after the conversation."

Think things like connecting with friends, booking yourself a weekend getaway, or starting a new hobby. Need some inspiration? We have a full list of 50+ self-care ideas to help get you started.

Speaking of connecting with friends, breakups are a time when your loved ones can be your greatest supporters as you move through the stages of grieving your relationship and acclimating to the transition.

Spinelli strongly recommends leaning on your friends, family, or any other trusted people in your life–whether you need a vent sesh, a shoulder to cry on, or just someone to grab dinner with. That's what friends are for, so don't be afraid to ask for help!

If there's one positive side to being newly single, it's that you can now take all the time, love, and energy you were pouring into the relationship and give it back to yourself. Focusing on yourself can look like any number of things depending on the person, such as doing some soul searching, reigniting a lost passion, or working with a therapist.

To that end, licensed therapist LeNaya Smith Crawford, LMFT, says it's important to remember that you are a whole and powerful being, and you do not need a relationship to validate that. "Oftentimes, we get so caught up in a relationship that we lose sight of the things that make us, the individual, feel good," she previously told mindbodygreen.

Last but not least, don't underestimate the impact a breakup can have on everything from your mental health to your daily routine. It's a major transition, especially if you've been together for a long time.

Working with a therapist can help you to not only unpack your feelings about the relationship and breakup but also find healthy coping mechanisms and unlearn any patterns or behaviors that aren't serving you anymore.

Breaking up with someone you love is a heartbreaking process that will take time to get over and heal. While it's not going to be easy and the stages of a breakup should be expected, on the other side of your breakup, you'll find inner strength and self-love you may have been missing for some time.